so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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