i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
