Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
