rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
