I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
