The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
