Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
