You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
