i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
