Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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