I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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