i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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