i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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