Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
