My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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