Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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