the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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