I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
