You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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