There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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