You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
