Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
