I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
