Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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