She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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