that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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