I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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