Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
