oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
