one two three fourrrrnication!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
