You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
