before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
