I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
