i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
