dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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