Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Alive.
So much puke
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
