I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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