Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
