ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
