I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
