Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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