Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize