The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
