You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
either way he was missing a nipple.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
