the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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