I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
