He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
