I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
