TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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