If that was your dad, he is hot
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
