The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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