I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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