I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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