I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
