Quick, to the slutcave!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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