I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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