i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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