I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
