i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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