Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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