Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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