Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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