why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
