You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
