So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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