I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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