my sisters under your porch take her home
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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