bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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