I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
