i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
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theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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