I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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