I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
