just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
