you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
