"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
