Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
