I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
