is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
