He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
