cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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